How do they even afford to eat???

Lots of experimenting

I’m sure someone has. It probably tastes like popcorn or something

Why… Wh- what? Do you sweat blood?

You think that’s some copium, watch this:

When you’re a child having a sick-day, you get to stay home from school and watch TV, which is absolutely 💯. What temperature do you need to have to get a sick-day? 100°

In foreign units, 100° is the temperature at which water boils. What has boiling water ever done for anyone? Literally nothing. But in freedom units, water boils at 212°. 212 is a palindrome and palindromes are so cool, they could be classified as 💯. As we all know, 100 is the coolest number, which is why that’s how high grades go.

Finally, using USA standards, calculating calories in food merely requires measuring how much energy is required to raise 3.5 oz water 1.8° F by burning the food and then dividing by 1000. Using your weird unpatriotic methods, you’d have to measure how much energy is required to raise 100 grams of water 1° C by burning the food and then not dividing by anything??? Sounds lame!

Someone give me a Gatorade, those mental gymnastics were a hell of a workout

SedaGIVE?!?

And when you do die, you won’t see it coming!

I really don’t wanna upvote this, but I can’t not

I already didn’t!

I’ll have what he’s having

Well, of course. If it’s described as “really good,” I think we can assume it fits.

If it doesn’t fit or proves too be too painful, I guess that falls more towards “disappointing,” but that feels like a misnomer

Yet researchers should not explain these phenomenon as they tend to fornicate with matriarchal individuals and deal in misinformation, which I find upsetting

Engineer: I created new technology that can make us rich beyond our wildest dreams because of the number of people it’ll benefit!

Billionaires: Let’s tweak that a little. I’d rather decide who has to be poor

Don’t worry, whales don’t attack humans in the wild

Only at theme parks

Don’t say “no” just because it hasn’t worked yet!

Be bold! Be daring!

Stomp on a CEO’s crotch!

Define “unqualified.”

Like, unqualified to even build a see-saw for a public playground? Agreed

Unqualified to work for Boeing? Highly debatable at this point

Can we please instate a corporate death penalty? And some sort of persona non grata for executives who contributed to the condemnable behavior?

Also, new rule: if the sum of pay and benefits for a company’s C-suite and stock buybacks is greater than the sum of the pay for your non-contractor employees then all the stocks bought back must be transferred to your employees and contractors.